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serious issue with me as of late

Journal Entry: Mon Jan 26, 2015, 1:05 PM


-Lets out a breath-

Okay, here I go. I don’t know how this is going to come across but I have a serious issue on my hands that I want answers to that hits me every now and then for the longest time that I can remember.

Here it is on the table. For many years actually, since I was 13 or14, I have had a haunting feeling about myself that I haven’t been able to understand or figure out.

-Takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly-

I don’t know what to call myself. I mean, I don’t know WHO or WHAT I am on the inside in this society. Again, what I mean by this is sexuality, identity, and personality. I’ve asked this question to the closest people to me throughout the years and NONE have been able to tell me what I need to know.

Since I was 14, I’ve been struggling with this on the inside but for many many years, leading into my adulthood, I have ignored the feeling. Being 26 almost 27, I can’t ignore this anymore as it is unconsciously making me really depressed and hateful towards myself.

Constantly in the mirror every day, I look at my reflection and say “WHO ARE YOU?!” Now, I’m not saying that I’m Trans. (or am I? See?! I’m confused.) But, I do know that I just am who I am. As for WHO that “am” is, I don’t know.

I’ll tell you a few facts about me that I do know are 100% true so maybe you can help me figure it out?

    1.       I absolutely love Snowflakes

    2.       Love cats, not so much a fan of dogs (but I do love some so I’m 50/50)

    3.       Hate gore but I watch The Walking Dead.

    4.       Fan of fantasy/sci-fi (Once Upon a Time, Ghost Whisperer,  Anime/ manga to name a few)

    5.       Speaking of anime, I love to Cosplay. Not just any Cosplay; male Cosplays even though I’m female. I just feel more comfortable dressing as a male rather than female. I’m not talking about physical comfort (binding hurts) but emotionally.

    6.       TOTALLY, in love with the Asian culture. I wish I was born Asian sometimes.

    7.       I enjoy some sports like Football (watching), street hockey (playing), Volleyball, soft/baseball(playing), swimming, dodge ball and handball.

    8.       I am a sewer (self taught) and crafter.

    9.       I sing

    10.   Dance (in private only)

    11.   Videogame nerd (although it’s slowed down a lot because of depression)

    12.   I used to draw a lot but I still like to do it.

I’m sure there are more but I can’t think of it….

In all reality, I’ve come to think that I’ll never figure who I truly am and this saddens me to the core. 



deviantID

Kittykam
KittyKam
Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United States
Introduction
Hi!
I'm Kittykam.

Lets see...what else to post. Oh, I'm 26, was born and raised in Simi Valley, CA. I currently live in Tampa, FL with my girlfriend SkyWolf22

I'm a friendly person, but piss me off and I become a terror. Just a warning.

There are many things I like to do. Sewing, crafting, photography and computer graphics (even though I'm not very good at it).

I'm outgoing, fun and love adventure. I make and sell cosplay (google it if you don't know what that is.) but not just that, I do requests for other things too within skill limit.

I go to local conventions in my cosplays I make. If you live in or near Tampa, HIT ME UP!



Likes:
-Yaoi, action/semi-drama/funny anime, cosplaying, sewing, crafts, photography, video editing/shooting, The Lion King, Tom Hiddleston, Thor, Loki, Avengers movie, Gundam Wing, Fullmetal Alchemist, Sailor Moon, Naruto/shippuden

Dislikes:
KonohaCorner podcast, Bleach, Cauliflower, steak, drama starters, haters, Romy Meyerson, stalkers, backstabbers, rude people, the block feature used on me. BEING IGNORED!, talking on the phone to strangers, zombies, darkness, My Little Ponies, Michael Bardenhagen, stuck up people, Homestuck, pikabellechu, the U.S. Government, Obama,
Interests

Webcam

Commissions

Commissions ARE CLOSED for right now. I'll make a journal when they are open. Thank you.

Comments


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:iconflamerebel:
FlameRebel Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you for the faves!! :hug:
Reply
:iconflamerebel:
FlameRebel Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2015  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for the Watch, KittyKam!!
Reply
:icononi-no-yo-na-ningen:
oni-no-yo-na-ningen Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks a lot for watching me :heart:
Reply
:iconkittykam:
Kittykam Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
You're welcome! I love your Naruto cosplays. 
Reply
:icononi-no-yo-na-ningen:
oni-no-yo-na-ningen Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
thank you so much <3 <3
Reply
:iconkojika:
kojika Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
thanks for the fave~
Reply
:iconbrittydee:
BrittyDee Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for helping report the art thief for me :thanks:
Reply
:iconkittykam:
Kittykam Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
You're welcome ^^
Reply
:iconthe-ly:
The-Ly Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
Thanks for the :+fav: on my photography x3
Reply
:iconshinkan-seto:
Shinkan-Seto Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Ciel Phantomhive (Serious Look) [V1] Thank you so much for faving this:

Yes, My LordYes, My LordHOPE ESTHEIM - Cosplay - I can't forgive him by Shinkan-Seto  Yes, My LordYes, My Lord

Sebastian Michaelis (Hawt Response) [V2] Much appreciated!! ^o^

Make sure to check out my next uploads too, if you don't already watch me ;) (Wink)

_________________________________________________________________________

for W.I.P follow        Free twitter emote avatar twitter.com/ShinkanSeto ;Free twitter emote avatar 

fanpage                  Facebook www.facebook.com/shinkanseto.m… Facebook 

WORLD COSPLAY    worldcosplay.net/member/Shinka…  
Reply
:iconjasperinity:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014
Happy birthday! :D
Reply
:iconkittykam:
Kittykam Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconjasperinity:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2014
You're welcome! :3
Reply
:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's September 15th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

---
Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: KoudelkaW
Reply
:iconwreck-itralph:
Wreck-ItRalph Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz:
     :iconthecakeisalieplz:    :iconballoonsplz:  :iconletter-hplz: :iconletter-aplz: :iconletter-pplz: :iconletter-pplz: :iconletter-yplz:  :iconballoonsplz2:   :iconthecakeisalieplz:
     :party: :iconletter-bplz: :iconletter-iplz: :iconletter-rplz: :iconletter-tplz: :iconletter-hplz: :iconletter-dplz: :iconletter-aplz: :iconletter-yplz: :party:
:iconhappybirthdaysignplz: :iconpresentplz::iconbonklers::iconpineappletardplz::iconbummiesplz::iconlaplayplz::iconladrumplz::iconlabeatplz::iconballoonplz::iconpresentplz: :iconhappybirthday2plz:
:iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz::iconfaggedblackplz:
Reply
:iconkittykam:
Kittykam Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you!! 
Reply
:iconsandlioncurse:
SandLionCurse Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
:iconthankyousignplz:
Thank you very much for watching me Added to my devWatch! I appreciate all my watchers :icontardsloveplz:
Feel free to follow me on twitter for random updates Sandlioncurse I am a dummy! :iconlv2plz:
Reply
:iconkittykam:
Kittykam Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
No problem. I'm living with SkyWolf22, Her and Susan talk xD so I thought I'd watch. 
Reply
:iconsandlioncurse:
SandLionCurse Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
Oh, well hey, what a small world we live in :D
Reply
:iconkittykam:
Kittykam Featured By Owner Edited Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Indeed ^^ awesome cosplays btw!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconladysexaroid:
LadySexaroid Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2014
Thanks fo faving Duo - paths of war! :happybounce: 
Reply
:icongoldtale:
goldtale Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks for all the faves :)
Reply
:iconkittykam:
Kittykam Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
welcome ^^
Reply
:iconmitz-chan:
Mitz-chan Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thnks for the fav! :heart:
Reply
:iconkkreations:
KKreations Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fav! So happy to see that Gundam Wing love is still alive! =)
Reply
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